You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
