Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I have tasted many bathrooms
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
