when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
