Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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