the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Randomize
