I have demons in me.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Randomize
