I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
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