She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
He has the fingertips of a God
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
