I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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