I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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