Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
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