two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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