Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
