Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
