The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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