I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
