I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize