if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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