How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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