Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
PANTIES FOUND
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