u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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