Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Randomize
