Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
