apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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