I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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