My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
