Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
