I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
