Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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