You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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