I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
