She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
