I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
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It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
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Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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