I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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