We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
