you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
