i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
