I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
