I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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