Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
