Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
