Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
