You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
