Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
