why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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