i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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