I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize