based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize