I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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