the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
