this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
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