He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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