I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize