can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
