There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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