Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
