How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
