tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
