Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I don't deserve a penis
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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