my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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