Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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