so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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