i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
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