At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
