I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
