imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I am mentally ready for anal.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
