rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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