I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
