he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
You made out with two different species that night
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
