I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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