weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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